BFF: Ask Sheryll, she’s really good with relationship advice.
Bob: Yeah, Things are so much clearer when you’re looking at things from the outside in.
Meet Bob.
Bob is an evil alien who took up residence in my voice box and is the reason for everything that’s wrong with the world. Well, mine at least. He’s like Superman only instead of being really buff and an all-round swell guy, Bob is invisible and strikes whenever there’s a lull in conversation. If there are awkward moments to be had, never fear, Bob’s here.
Here are some of Bob’s best in no particular order of preference.
1. So what are your feelings on vegetables?
Well, we were at the dinner table. And the guest (yes, the guest) was really quiet.
2. Work’s great coz I don’t have much.
Lie. Truth - Work’s great and I do have much. My boss reads this. Ahem.
3. I’m not laughing with you, I’m laughing at you.
I was.
4. Is he the guy who wrote seven habits of highly effective people?
Point 14. Enough said.
5. Even though it’s our car, it’s beautiful, no mama?
Hey, I was 8, ok?
6. No, YOU’RE tired.
It was in response to a guy who said I looked tired. I suppose he meant that in a good way. I didn’t say it out loud though. He was a big guy.
7. That’s the saddest thing I've ever heard
This was in response to my gym instructor’s incredible words of wisdom - Life is constant struggle. I had to do 10 extra push ups for that. Luckily I broke my foot and never went back to that gym again.
8. My name is Sheryll Sampson and I was told that they’d give me cake.
This was at a wedding. I was one of the M.C.s and we were told that we had to introduce ourselves like 5 seconds before we went on stage. Thankfully, some people laughed. OK, fine. Two. Thanks Mommy. Thanks Shiv.
9. Respected Princess, teachers, and my dear friends.
Opening line of my first assembly speech. My principal was really nice to me after that though. I wonder why.
10. Can I touch your face?
Yes, really. It was to an acquaintance. In my defense, she had skin that looked like she lit a lamp under it. Sniff, it was beautiful.
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